Home is

 

where the heart is

follow the broken pieces strewn about

on the yellow brick highway

 

is Apartheid

outside

 

where the wind blows

there is something stirring here

pick up the pieces and run to\the nearest place

where they do not know your name

 

you’ll be safe

 

here you may start anew

an anonymous anomaly

fresh beats for your heart

for which there is no home

 

we all go to hell

in our dreams

and wake up and wake up

 

like babies outside the placenta

always leaving

living life searching for connections

yet long ago we cut the cord

 

so how are we to know

where home is

if every-time we enter

we are again expelled

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I Look to the Hills

“…So for me patience is most fitting”

            -Yaqub Father of Yusuf

 

While we wait,

Droning along

Towards world excellence

Towards new order.

 

Policing the heinous crimes of The Others.

So Christian like-

This show of black intelligentsia.

 

Covert. Ignorance. Advocacy.

 

Yes the Dream is real.

The fight won. So

You and I can fight some more

 

And some mo’,

and some mo’.

 

Yes,

I had a Dream

That my big brother was spying on me,

To keep me mo’ safer, make my life mo’ betta.

Ensure my loyalty

 

Les’ I be

Unpatriotic,

A lone wolf wandering amongst the sheep

While the shepherds preach?

 

The reporters ask,

“Would He be here today?”

“Is this the Dream which

Thine eye did seek?”

 

Hell no

 

This dream reeks

Of Orwellian overtones,

Unmanned. Fallacy. Orbits.

So that the children of the world may

One day

 

Be free.

Across the Wire

You made me come to hate the something

I once loved

I am not myself just as much

As you are not what you appear to be.

 

And what does that mean?

 

Like wet paint

The smell lingers but please,

Do not touch the walls

As they are delicate with emotion

Much less with meaning-

A blank space where That used to

be.

 

A return to the activities we once

Enjoyed as children does not guarantee

The same kind of joy

I’d rather return, child

For this is as empty as two shoes bound together

And flung,

 

Across the wire

Front Porch at Dusk

bass slinking along

a panther in the filigree

wild black treeline

out of place like a

brushstroke gone awry

against a somber blue canvas

boom ba boom boom boom

“looks like another love TKO”

Here we go NaPoWriMo!!!

I’m not making any promises, but I’m going to attempt to keep up with NaPoWriMo this year. I’ll be writing a poem a day however, I refuse to post one everyday. I think that’s overload. So I’ll do what I can. In other news… today marks the day my biggest source of inspiration came into my life. It’s my anniversary! What better way to kick off National Poetry Month than to share a poem I wrote in honor of the man that keeps me wanting to write poetry.

I hope you make time to read and write some poetry this month, and don’t forget to thank whoever or whatever it is that inspires you to keep doing whatever it is that you do.

-Umm Qamar

The Letters

“…tell your supervisor you’re leaving early today

and I’m going to pay for the rest of your day …” -Tony! Toni! Tone!

A year ago today

Marks the day they became

“Impossible us”

She with legs sealed shut and heart wide open

He in High Pursuit

“Do you know what today is?”

Mother Father Friend said,

He’s all wrong for you

Nothing more than good

Conversation. Piercing like

First time penetration His creed

All wrong he’s coming on too strong

Plundering through barbed wire

fenses trailing Issey Miyake scent

Yellow kite tails catching.

“It’s our anniversary, anniversary…”

Something about a caged bird

The free just can’t appreciate

Scratches in the track our music

Don’t make sense we make

Vinyl record love

Fuck autotunes

He had a throwback style

Would throwback any man

That ever thought they could

She spoke of limitations like deal breakers

And then the letter came

Proving that roses could be born of concrete

And hearts built of brick

Love could be pieced together from leftovers

Can pervade through hard times.

Six years ago today

A moon was born

A year ago today

Trembling hands penned sureties

Two troubled paths eclipsed,

“Do you know what today is?”

Any other time of day

Up at the white thread
I seek clarity.
My thoughts on trial do me no justice
Any other time of day.

Only now while the angels
Make their rounds,
I begin to gather the pieces
Delegate the reasons.

Just how smart is this brown-skin girl?
Whose legacy of soft-spoken cunning
Precedes her.
A way with men

She likes projects,
Something broken needing repair
So that I can get in between
Inside his snow globe

Heart. Where I twirl angrily swirling
She sees compassion
Flakes of obvious selfish guile
I see self-preservation.

Up from a dream. A familial place
Nested at the feet of blue green velveteen hills
A mother attached-
A white thread of light

Anything worthwhile is blue.
Patiently kneeling, ankles obtuse
Hands just so
She’ll be guided in this Hour

Thank You Blue Hour Magazine (new poem published)

Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that is the stuff life is made of. -Benjamin Franklin

Thank you Mr. Franklin, I couldn’t have said it better myself.  Since undertaking some new responsibilities in my life, (a.k.a. a new job, a.k.a now I can pay more bills) I find my myself yearning for more hours in the days and for more minutes in the hours.  I fully understand the complaints of those writers who try to balance practicing their craft with putting food on the table.  I guess I should try to look at it from a more creative positive viewpoint; now I have more fodder to give my poems life.  I digress…

The true reason for this post was to share a link to a poem of mine that has been published by the lovely ladies of The Blue Hour Magazine.  Please be sure to head over to their site and show all of the wonderful poets, writers, and artists some love!  I’ll be back to posting poems and random ramblings soon enough.  I just wanted to thank all my followers and even those of you who just happened to fly by and “like” a few of my posts.  I love you guys and wish you well.

-Umm Qamar

In the Purple Rain- A poem by Jasmine Javid

On Writing, Depression, and Unexpected Blessings

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Writers. They are those eclectic creatures everyone wants to be. According to most Johnny Depp portrayals of authors, we drink excessively, smoke endless cigarettes, experiment with mind-altering drugs, and then prop ourselves up in front of a typewriter and expect miracles to fall onto the page.

If that description doesn’t sound familiar to you then you don’t know jack about writers. No seriously, writers are actually hardworking, sane individuals. Not unlike other human beings we sometimes get caught up in the throes of depression. I can attest to this from experience, not just as a writer, but simply as a human being.

Depression, whether it’s clinical or self-diagnosed affects people from many different walks of life. Unfortunately we live in a society or rather in a world that is very conducive to this disease. Being a creative individual may actually expose you to more of the stress that causes depression. Creative types spend a considerable amount of time noticing and analyzing the nuances of the environment we live in. We notice and are inspired by the little details that most people miss. A lot of times it is these same details that cause us to feel pain and to harbor a foreboding sense of hopelessness. As an artist you respond to these feeling by creating something which expresses your thoughts and emotions. So does this mean that one can only produce something meaningful when one is battling bouts of depression?

Of course not. You see I thought yesterday was going to be one of those days. You know the type of day wherein you wake up cursing the sun for having the audacity to shine while you are trying to wallow in your misery. Yeah, one of those days. I knew what the cause of my discontent was, but I still found myself fighting back tears. I continued with my morning routine because as you know- kids don’t give a damn how your emotional health is. They want their breakfast and it had better be good. So I made a decision. I was going to fake it until I made it. Following the advice of my grandmother I said aloud, “Devil you are a liar!” I asked God to remove the storm clouds from above my heads and from under my eyes. Then I just let go.

Depression, humph! Ain’t nobody got time for that!

Let me make this story short. Since I homeschool my son I’m in complete control of his schedule. I decided to switch things up and go to the park before we started any of his school work. Let me tell you how prayer works honey. As soon as I stepped outside of my door, it hit me. The warm sun greeted me while the breeze flirted with my hemline. We were experiencing unseasonably warm weather. It was as if God was saying, “Look boo, I got your back.” It was then that I realized just how ungrateful I had been. To think I was going to allow myself to be overcome by darkness. All I had to do was make a conscious decision to be happy. Allah took care of the rest.

When we arrived at the park I sat down and wrote. I wrote about how grateful I was to be worshipping a God that not only hears your prayers, but who answers them in ways that our minds can’t even conceive. I was able to concentrate on projects that I had long since brushed to the side. More importantly, I laughed and played with my son. He never had the slightest inclination that mommy had woken up feeling like doggy-doo that morning.

Do you battle with depression?  How does it affect your creativity?  Let’s talk about it in the comment section.

Here are some links on writers and depression

http://www.nytimes.com/1994/11/14/books/exploring-the-links-between-depression-writers-and-suicide.html

http://www.elizabethmoon.com/writing-depression.html

http://narrowpathstohigherplaces.com/writing-in-and-through-depression/

http://www.vanityfair.com/magazine/archive/1989/12/styron198912

New Poem- Tender Black Buttons

tender black buttons

dark nights- rising

life and pleasure given and

taken from these

pain and suffrage

guided you

across turbulent seas

molded by a fingertip,

not to be marred by too eager teeth

nor pierced to aesthetically please

but these

raisins in the sun

dimpled supernovae

exploding across the vast sea of my breast

Erected

by the undulations of your tongue,

These feed nations

seduce men

but they say I

am just a woman

objectified, less

*Photo Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

To Mecca

Opiate Susmission

The sun-rays my silhouette humbled,

Casting reverent shadows on Turkish artistry.

Here because you denied – the sun,

The moon, the stars primitive artistry.  This

Life is lonely, and then you sacrifice your blessings

That is Grace.

 

I watched

Her footprints soft-spoken, unaware

Of her power from which I was conceived.

Bear no witness to my deeds. I

Listened to their stories,

They washed their hands of me

That was love.

 

My knees kiss this consecrated ground

Redemption beading on my forehead,

Wreaking havoc, it is the storm before the calm.

High on opiate submission

And waiting for the pouring forth,

Now I know why they lean.

The weight of confession cannot stand alone.

 

Faith tastes like complacency

Come again?

I never learned how to swim

But I tread deep waters

Because I knew how to pray.

Ya Sheikh!

That is servility.